life revisions

 Hello Charlie, 

I hope you're having great holidays. Here is a poem I wrote a few weeks ago - for an assignment, I have to admit. It was important for me to share it first because Mr.Leah encouraged me to do so at the poetry by the heart competition, and also because I think poetry is cool and we must share our poets work. Life revisions is about routine, it's also closely related to these covid times, it talks about always doing the same things and being depressed about it (yay). Take into account that I had to exaggerate the feelings conveyed to make it more gothic (my life is not that monotonous and I'm actually quite happy). 

Life revisions

I remember

The long hours in Perm 3

Our laughs drizzling in the room

Each of us trying to be heard

I remember 

That we were arguing

About the next test topic

About which teacher was the best -

or the worst

About futile things

Yet so important

I remember

How suddenly a supervisor appeared

Reminding us how enclosed we were

In what we called

School

I remember

How beautiful these moments were

Now I realize 

joy was hidden 

in the most dark moments of my existence

in my bac revisions

in my alarm ringing

6:45 am every day

waking up

dressing up

having breakfast

going to school

having lunch 

having lessons

doing homework

sleeping

And the next day

Was the same

Sometimes life felt like a prison

Of which I was trying to escape

Sometimes it was a castle

I was painfully constructing

Pieces by pieces

With the help of parcoursup , le crous

Or other institutions

Adult life was waiting for me

Like a giant monster

With its tentacles

Its rent to pay

Its groceries to buy

Its housework

Its work

But

Let’s not forget 

What I’ve lived in terminale

These little moments that now

I collect like rocks

Like flowers on a path

Like vampires collect children

To suck their blood

I feel like a vampire

Trying to suck memories

Out of my student years

There was the sun heating us in class

I was trying not to fall asleep

Especially during the lesson from one to two

Right after lunch

I was trapped

In a dreams cobweb

Stuck between my will

And my parents wishes

I was evolving 

Through corridors of advises

One was contradicting the other

Adults did never agree

On what to advise me

We needed to construct our future

By ourselves

Like animals

Trying to find their way in the forest 

Perm 3 was a laboratory of future adults

J wanted to study political sciences

V was interested in cinema

I was

lost

I had projects that changed everyday

I was driven by multiple influences 

But where was my own will ?

 

 

 here is a painting by Jessie Wilcox Smith called the scholar. She was an American illustrator (1863-1935). She was considered as a "pure" illustrator, which I think is interesting to our analysis of the Gothic. Even if the girl in this paiting seems perfect, her eyes translate an suspicious, mayber even diabolic look. This image transmits the idea of  double meaning in the Gothic. 

 don't hesitate to share your opinion on this poem and to tell me if you like writing poetry to !

Eva