🧦History's most important chapter: The Great Sock Disappearance🧦
There are a lot of unsolved mysteries in life: the Bermuda Triangle, the Loch Ness Monster, why printers only jam when you're in a hurry etc. But none are quite as personal, quite as relatable, as the disappearing sock phenomenon.
Every laundry day, you go in with an even number of socks. You come out with an odd number and a vague sense of betrayal. It’s as if your washing machine just... took one.
🧦Stats
According to (completely made-up) data, the average human loses 1.7 socks per month. That’s approximately 21 socks per year, enough to start a small, mismatched sock orphanage. You could knit a scarf out of all your lost socks, or a very confused sweater.
🧦Theories that totally make sense
1. Washing machine portal
There’s a wormhole in the spin cycle. Socks slip in and—poof—gone, somewhere, in a parallel universe, maybe even with aliens wondering why humans never send the left one.
2. The sock rebellion
Socks are sentient, and frankly, they’re over it. Tired of foot sweat, being stepped on, being stinky, random holes... The brave ones make it out through the dryer vent.
3. Dryer mafia
There’s an underground operation run by dryers. They demand a sock tax. One per load. Be careful, they might switch to T-shirts soon....
4. Human error (lol no)
Some scientists claim it’s our fault. That maybe, just maybe, we drop socks behind furniture, or miscount, or leave one in our beds. But that sounds like nonsense, doesn’t it???
🧦What can we do?
- Use a laundry bag like a sock prison
- Safety-pin or sew pairs together
- Accept defeat and start to wear mismatched socks
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